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can't sleep
(Friday, August 28, 2009) Damn. I failed to update this blog the past three days. I suck. Not really. My condition sucks, no lie. I've been swollen since Tuesday. The surgery was a success, sort of. When I got to my appointment at around, 3:15pm, I was shaking like no tomorrow. Oh my gum, the horror. Yeah, I don't know why I said "gum" instead of "God" .. lol, I'm so wierd. I guess it's because I don't like misusing God's name. I love him too much. ANYWAYS, my lawd (aka my Lord) .. so I was shaking out of my own flesh. I read the papers and consequences and symptoms and the healing process, signed the forms, and waited for my name to be called out. Then finally, "Alyssa GAR-IN?" Dumbasses can't pronounce my last name -.- So yeah, I almost cried when I heard my name. I walked in the room, and my eyes widened at the sight of syringes and sharp ass mini dentist or whatchamacallit utensils you use to open up gums. Shit, fuck my eyes. I gulped real big, then just listened to my surgeon. He looked bored and tired out of his mind. Like, as if he didn't wanna operate on me. I wanted to knock down all his tools to stall, or escape .. Honestly, he didn't even sound happy. Usually, you know, a surgeon would be welcoming, but nah. He was reading this picture book and told me to complete his sentences. Example: "Now, this procedure can be done when you're awake, but most patients prefer to be ..." Then I go, "Asleep?" ETC. So gay. I felt retarded for five minutes in my life. Then he starts lowering the fucking dentist chair, and all I see is the light in my eyes. Oh my gum, my heart almost died. He took my arm and stuck a needle in without even telling me. Violation of thy body yo, forreal. I lied. Then he starts attaching tubes to the syringe in my right arm, and taping them down onto my forearm. Then he starts asking me about facebook to distract me from all the liquids he'd be squirting in me. He clipped this whatever on my finger to monitor my heart on the .. heart monitor thing. Then the last thing I heard was, "Okay Mr. Guarin, we'll see you in about 45 minutes." I was like, dying in my body. I was scared shitless. Then the surgeon says, "Okay Alyssa, you're going to begin to feel sleepy okay?" Then my eyes started blurring at the sight of that Ms. Beauty Pagaent show on television. In my head, I was like .. "NOOOO, I want to watch, no cable at home!" Then.. *snore* .. I become unconcious. Literally, like a minute later, I wake up and apparently, surgery's over. LOL, my je suis (aka Jesus), I worried for nothing. I felt so tipsy and drowsy when I woke up though. It was so trippy. I started videotaping myself with the syringes still in my arm, like I didn't give a shit. Then dad and assistant had to help walk me to recovery room. I remember giggling, then dozing off, and then waking up in my room with my grandma shoving noodles in my face. Damn yo, the anestesia started wearing off, and the noodles rubbing against my stitches were like, hell. Ugh, the memory. I threw up on the first day too because of my medicine. Apparently, tylenol 3 makes you dizzy. Noodles wouldn't stay in my system so they had to exit. ETC. Now it's day four, basically day five of my recovery. I'm still swollen and stitches are still pretty raw. But I'm holding up. I got through the first few days, now I'm chilling with chipmunk face, y'know? It's good. Now I can finally open jaw wide enough for me to make a successful yawn. Fuckin' wisdom teeth prevented me from opening my mouth more than halfway because it was causing stiffness in my jaw joints. Whatever, I'm good yo. The storm is over, and Justin is coming home in a few days. Life is getting better. I'm a lot stronger now. Two days ago, I was walking down the stairs to watch American History X with my family, then I felt like throwing up from painkillers, so I dragged myself back upstairs and took a nap and ate more noodles and took antibiotics. Antibiotics are manditory, Tylenol 3 is nonsense. If any of you guys are about to get their wisdom teeth pulled out, get at me for advice. I'll be more than happy to help. Anywhooo, I should..do my laundry, lol. I have to set up this surprise party for my sister's boyrfriend tomorrow and I'm in charge of getting everything organized while my sister and him are out doing whatever. Fuck my life, first time I show face after a while, they see fat face. Not cool. Anyways, I'm going to fix my shit now. Goodnight world. Goodnight Joojoobabes ♥ LOL, I'm such a wierdo for greeting my boyfriend goodnight on blogspot. I need a life. Freal though, I miss him :( and my friends :( Labels: hardtimes, scary shit, surprise party, wisdom teeth summer night, day two
(Tuesday, August 25, 2009) Okay, well it's not really night anymore. It's 3am-ish in the morning. I spent a big chunk of my time eating, brushing my teeth, flossing, make up removing, and disinfecting my new ear piercing. I feel like doing my nails now. I don't know. I can't sleep again. But, today was a good day. I actually woke up before 12pm in the afternoon for once, but that's only because I got a text from my baby updating me about his whereabouts in Florida. -sigh- I miss him. Anyways, I've decided to keep this blog up to date every night. Hopefully I can maintain it, but I'm not even sure if I can the next few days. Fuck my life blogspot.com, I'm getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow. Apparently, "surgically" removed. It sounds kind of harsh, but it's a minor surgery. Still though, fuck my life. Good thing they're putting me to sleep. Shit, I don't want to think about it. This morning after getting a text from joojoobabes, I texted Trina and asked if she was still up for getting her ears pierced. I loafted in bed for a while, then I got up and ate egg =/ That's all I ever eat nowadays, not cool. Then Trina came over, and waited for me to get ready. Dad drove us to Steph's house, only to find that Steph was still waiting in line to shower after ateh Malou. ETC. We go to square half an hour later and explored around for the best free ear piercing store. YADAYADAYADA, Trina got three pierces in total. I got the fourth free stud in my left ear for fun. Whateverrr, pain can't compare to what I'll have to face in about twelve hours from now. FML FML FML. Life sucks. Anyways, Andrew Feliciano aka kuya met up with us at Ardenes in time for me to be able to squeeze his hand before getting the gun to my ear. After studs, we went to food court and saw Monica, Lina, and Jacob. I haven't seen Lina since school. I miss her :( But I'm happy I got to see her today. We loafted there for a bit, then Trina had to leave. We saw Andrea and Andy and Kevin afterwards and we all ended up walking around together. Lina had to go with her friend somewhere though, boooo. We went shopping for a while, or window shopping...fucking broke as hell, not cool. ETC. We all decide to walk to Noodle Wok for cheap asian food. We had to climb this brick wall and climb over the fence at the top to get there. No stairs in sight. How inconvenient. It was all the way around the other side so whatever. Steph struggled the most because she's physically challenged. LOL, uhm yeah. We ate there, then walked to TNT nearby for like, dimsum? I don't remember. We loafted in grocery store some more until Andy and Kevin had to leave. We left, then loafted on the curb until Justin Carr drove by to pick up Monica, Andrea, and Jacob. So it was me, Steph, and Feliciano left. Sengbusch dropped by to loaft with us, then left when Steph's dad came to pick us up to reach their base. We chilled there until Monica, and the rest met up with us again there. We watched The Girl Next Door and all dipped at like, 12am. Yeah, that was pretty much it. Got home at like, 12:30am, checked facebook, hygiene maintenance, messaged my baby, and now blogging. I'm tired. This blog is basically just for me to remember what I do from now until school. It's gay how I begin this blogging shit two weeks before school. What the hell, right? Anyways, this concludes August 24. Wish me luck for tomorrow. I'm going to have my gums opened up and have my molars yanked out. I think they're messing with all four of them. FUCK MY LIFE HARD. I'm honestly really scared. Going through this without my number one comforter, Justin Joo aka boyfriend will be balls. NOOOOOOOOO :( Going to dream of bunnies and pink things so tomorrow will be a calmer day. Not really. But still, just whatever. Let's see how tomorrow goes. I'm going to try and update this again, but yo. FUCK MY LIFE, again. I don't know if I'll be okay enough to do so. Gahh, I miss you Justin Joo, and I love my friends. Thanks for being good to me. I'm going to sleep now. *tear* Goodnight y'all :( Labels: boyfriend, chilling, fml, friends, piercings, surgery summer 09
(Sunday, August 23, 2009) So, I'm writing my first blog. I'm probably going to sound rusty since I haven't written one since grade eight? Yeah, whatever. I'm feeling really bummy right now. I hate that feeling where you're heart feels like it's at the top of the world one moment, then all of a sudden it slowly begins descending, at the same time, accelerating speed until it hits rock bottom. I hate how it feels like I wasted my whole summer trying to figure out what I wanted to do with someone. It's stupid how I make decisions on impulse based on my emotions instead of thinking of the consequences in the long run. I just hate how I don't think, and how I fail to acknowledge all the good things I already have in front of me. I wish I spent my summer noticing everything my boyfriend did for me, instead of picking on the simplest disappointments that I'd give a hundred percent attention to, while brushing off all the hours and patience he'd give to me just for everything to be okay between me and him. I hate how I'm selfish, and how I'll go from, "I love you!" to "Fuck you! I don't care!" when really, deep down, I know how much I can't afford to lose him. I don't know why I take advantage of us. He got me used to it. It's his fault for being so fuckin' nice to me. But it's my fault for being super angry in a matter of seconds, then cooling down after saying things I don't mean. Our cycle isn't healthy at all. I hurt him everytime, and everytime I do, it feels like I benefit from it because I learn just how much grip he has on me, and how far I could go to see if he's still hanging on. It's so wrong. I hate myself for it. The past few days were the best days of my life with him. I was actually a normal girlfriend for once. I chose not to be angry, and I chose not to be stubborn to be happy in return. Fuck, I hate how after more than a month of our break up, we got better just before he left for Florida. I know it sounds wack to sound like I'm the saddest thing alive, but it hurts a lot. I miss him, I really do. Just yesterday, I worked a 6-9/10pm shift, and during the day he had a late lunch with his family. He got dropped off at my work early just to see me. He waited on the take-out bench at pizza hut, watching me take orders for more than three hours, until finally my manager let me go. It was bittersweet, because I was spending quality time with him, but the fact that he had a flight early in the morning the next day was a kill to my buzz. We ate out, then walked to square one. I'd hug him every few minutes because I knew I'd spend the rest of the summer without him. I was sad, because after so many months of fighting and bitching, I finally walked out of my gloom to meet him in the middle. I've never been this way before. Not since early 2008 at least. I don't know when exactly I started rolling downhill into Lucifer's Kingdom of hatred and flames of anguish (lol wth), but Justin never gave up on me. For a whole year, he was by my side. Shit, I miss him...again. It'll be our 22 months on Wednesday. I barely greeted him on our 21 months because I was a bitch. *Sigh* I hate being this way. Sometimes I want to go through therapy or seek phsyciatric help, because I'm so fed up of losing my mind over nothing. I experience this thing, where my sight turns dark for minutes, and all I can do or say, is "FUCK THIS" and leave him. Like, what the hell right? Not cool. I want help. But I'm thinking, maybe the only help that'll work on me is treating myself. I just need to know that everything will be okay. I need to cherish my boyfriend, and be thankful that I found somebody like him. Not a lot of people like us together, but really, who are they to judge? They can't feel what we feel. They're not living our lives, they don't see what we see, and the potential that me and Justin have to make something better out of what we have. Honestly, I don't care anymore. For once in my life, I'll take my own advice, and not listen to unecessary opinions. I love how I can talk to him about anything, and how he can pick shit out of my braces with a toothpick in public and not give a shit. Any committed guy would do anything beyond for their girl, I'm not saying Justin's a rare thing, but everyone's going to have someone that will effect their lives in a certain way to fit in with that bond. That's what makes the chemistry special. I'm just so grateful for Justin, and for keeping me. I won't say I'll never find another like him, but with what I feel so far, I don't want to find another. I am sooooooo off limits, unavailable, taken, hitched, whateverr. LOL, okay booost. Not that anyone would want a catface with monkey mouth and shark teeth, but bottom line is...I am in a relationship with Justin Venturin Joo, and I'm fucking glad that everything's back to normal again. I love him, and miss him :( Wishing him a happy vacation, and a safe trip back into my arms :) Haha, sorry I'm cheesey. Okay goodnight ♥ Labels: bittersweet, boyfriend, florida, love, therapy |
affiliates Alyssa Berdan Amaryllis Jones Angelo Lezada Annesley Guerra Ashley Quijano Athina Yujuico Christina Azucena Crystal Wong Danny Trinh Diandra Santos Gerrika Carolasan Jizelle Teves John De Guzman Josenne Guerra Justin Joo Patricia Estrella Samantha Villanueva Sophia Pham Stephanie Sanchez Tashya Caleon |
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