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can't sleep

(Friday, August 28, 2009)

Damn. I failed to update this blog the past three days. I suck. Not really. My condition sucks, no lie. I've been swollen since Tuesday. The surgery was a success, sort of. When I got to my appointment at around, 3:15pm, I was shaking like no tomorrow. Oh my gum, the horror. Yeah, I don't know why I said "gum" instead of "God" .. lol, I'm so wierd. I guess it's because I don't like misusing God's name. I love him too much. ANYWAYS, my lawd (aka my Lord) .. so I was shaking out of my own flesh. I read the papers and consequences and symptoms and the healing process, signed the forms, and waited for my name to be called out. Then finally, "Alyssa GAR-IN?" Dumbasses can't pronounce my last name -.- So yeah, I almost cried when I heard my name. I walked in the room, and my eyes widened at the sight of syringes and sharp ass mini dentist or whatchamacallit utensils you use to open up gums. Shit, fuck my eyes. I gulped real big, then just listened to my surgeon. He looked bored and tired out of his mind. Like, as if he didn't wanna operate on me. I wanted to knock down all his tools to stall, or escape .. Honestly, he didn't even sound happy. Usually, you know, a surgeon would be welcoming, but nah. He was reading this picture book and told me to complete his sentences. Example: "Now, this procedure can be done when you're awake, but most patients prefer to be ..." Then I go, "Asleep?" ETC. So gay. I felt retarded for five minutes in my life. Then he starts lowering the fucking dentist chair, and all I see is the light in my eyes. Oh my gum, my heart almost died. He took my arm and stuck a needle in without even telling me. Violation of thy body yo, forreal. I lied. Then he starts attaching tubes to the syringe in my right arm, and taping them down onto my forearm. Then he starts asking me about facebook to distract me from all the liquids he'd be squirting in me. He clipped this whatever on my finger to monitor my heart on the .. heart monitor thing. Then the last thing I heard was, "Okay Mr. Guarin, we'll see you in about 45 minutes." I was like, dying in my body. I was scared shitless. Then the surgeon says, "Okay Alyssa, you're going to begin to feel sleepy okay?" Then my eyes started blurring at the sight of that Ms. Beauty Pagaent show on television. In my head, I was like .. "NOOOO, I want to watch, no cable at home!" Then.. *snore* .. I become unconcious. Literally, like a minute later, I wake up and apparently, surgery's over. LOL, my je suis (aka Jesus), I worried for nothing. I felt so tipsy and drowsy when I woke up though. It was so trippy. I started videotaping myself with the syringes still in my arm, like I didn't give a shit. Then dad and assistant had to help walk me to recovery room. I remember giggling, then dozing off, and then waking up in my room with my grandma shoving noodles in my face. Damn yo, the anestesia started wearing off, and the noodles rubbing against my stitches were like, hell. Ugh, the memory. I threw up on the first day too because of my medicine. Apparently, tylenol 3 makes you dizzy. Noodles wouldn't stay in my system so they had to exit. ETC. Now it's day four, basically day five of my recovery. I'm still swollen and stitches are still pretty raw. But I'm holding up. I got through the first few days, now I'm chilling with chipmunk face, y'know? It's good. Now I can finally open jaw wide enough for me to make a successful yawn. Fuckin' wisdom teeth prevented me from opening my mouth more than halfway because it was causing stiffness in my jaw joints. Whatever, I'm good yo. The storm is over, and Justin is coming home in a few days. Life is getting better. I'm a lot stronger now. Two days ago, I was walking down the stairs to watch American History X with my family, then I felt like throwing up from painkillers, so I dragged myself back upstairs and took a nap and ate more noodles and took antibiotics. Antibiotics are manditory, Tylenol 3 is nonsense. If any of you guys are about to get their wisdom teeth pulled out, get at me for advice. I'll be more than happy to help. Anywhooo, I should..do my laundry, lol. I have to set up this surprise party for my sister's boyrfriend tomorrow and I'm in charge of getting everything organized while my sister and him are out doing whatever. Fuck my life, first time I show face after a while, they see fat face. Not cool. Anyways, I'm going to fix my shit now. Goodnight world. Goodnight Joojoobabes ♥

LOL, I'm such a wierdo for greeting my boyfriend goodnight on blogspot. I need a life. Freal though, I miss him :( and my friends :(

Labels: hardtimes, scary shit, surprise party, wisdom teeth

extras

november262007
Justin Venturin Joo. It's honestly just been a whole roller coaster ride being with you. We're both different in every single way, we don't always get along. I don't always feel the need to baby you or treat you like a prince. I don't always show you that I'm there for you, or that I care about you. I don't always laugh at your jokes, or spoil you with materialistic gifts and go on cute dates with you. I don't always notice or appreciate the smallest, yet meaningful things that you do for me. I may not hold your hand in public, or visit you at home. I rarely get prettied up for you because I feel like I don't have to, because it's just you. I feel like I don't always need to have you wherever I go, or make at least half the effort you've put in to make this relationship work. I'm stubborn, rude, impatient, tempermental, hypocritical, aggressive; I'm everything you don't deserve. Even from the beginning, I was never the perfect girlfriend to you. If anything, I was the worst pick. I did nothing but put you through shit the past 15 months. I'm a shit girlfriend. Honestly, I'm sorry for all the times I'd yell at you for no reason. Im sorry for always putting myself before you. I'm just sorry for all the moments I put you down just so I could overdominate you. But if you look past everything, and gather up what's left of me after removing all hatred and anger and grump that I contain in me, I hope you find the little girl you once fell in love with when you asked her out. I hope you see all the love and the little effort that I never did for anybody else but you. I wish you'd see how strong these feelings were. Strong enough to penetrate through my veins and refrain myself from high blood pressure and gloom. Baby, if you only knew how great of a painkiller you are. You're the only thing that's worked on me after tylenol and my puffer. It feels like our hearts have conjoined, only I can't feel what you feel, I can't understand what you go through. But, for some reason, you can read my mind, you're slick, you see everything I see, and you feel everything I feel. I'm not the type to express my feelings through some lovey dovey poem. I can't even express it in plain english. I feel as if I'm foreign and illiterate when I try to speak a word of love and the feelings I have toward you. You know me well, but you don't know me well enough to believe that I care. I know I love you, I feel it. I know it's not stupid to say I do, even though I'm only just a kid at heart. But, no one can judge and speak for me. If this isn't love, then why am I always happy when I'm with you? Why do i feel hurt when when you disappoint me? If this isn't love, then I don't love my family. The feelings are similar, yet different. But it's love, I know it is. As long as I'm with you, I'll always believe in what we have. You help me contain this concept of love we're in into something real. As long as you hold onto me, and never give up on us, this "love" we so call feel, will become beyond love. It'll be something even more unexplainable. But it'll be that strong for us to take in, and cherish. I honestly, and deeply, love you, Justin Joo. Please know that.